Easter Sunday did not finish as I expected as I ended up in A & E following six hours of heart fibrillation. Three times my heart stopped while in A & E. They called it 'resting' but all I know from my understandably concerned wife was that my heart monitor flat lined! Three days later, and now with a heart pacemaker fitted I was returned home to begin my recovery back to a full working life.While between flat-line episodes I said to God, “Surely not in here”. Now don’t get me wrong, the staff were brilliant, and the facilities were all they needed to be. However a windowless resuscitation room just did not strike me as the end that God had planned for this self-confessed action man. More importantly I felt a deep sense of disappointment – I had unfinished business – messages to preach, thousands to speak to, conferences to run.... was all this not to be?
As I recovered for the third time I began to think that maybe this was it; I was just seconds away from facing my maker! I became gripped with an overwhelming fear.
It was not a fear of dying; I really was not that bothered. Nor was it a fear concerning my eternal destiny. I had been a follower of Jesus for many years and I knew my eternal future was already secured for me through Jesus Christ my Saviour.
So what was the root of my deep and profound fear? It was indeed that I was potentially
seconds away from meeting my maker. We all have things in our life that we are planning to get round to; to addressing and changing at some time. We are called to give up all for our Saviour, but in all of us there is hidden in our personal agendas actions, thinking and attitudes that we have hung on to for a host of varied reasons. The thought of looking into the face of the Living God; the Ancient of Days and him challenging me with my life literally put the fear of God in to me!Well all turned out ok, for now at least. God alone knows how long he has given me. The cardiac staff have not given me a new heart, simply propped up the one I have. But when I bowed my knee to Christ many years ago he did give me a new life and a new heart. It was a new heart that transformed and changed me. We truly do become a “new creation.” My life needs to honour that gift of life that God has given me. I want to stand before Christ one day having served him fully and faithfully and hear his words, “well done good and faithful servant.”
